“TIE ME AND LOVE ME”
The often unsaid thought between lovers. But not as an expression of
brutality or sadism; instead it is a desire to give, a need to love and be
loved in a different way. You want your partner to say that to you, or you
want to say that to him or her.
Perhaps such thoughts fill you with guilt, that somewhere in the deepest
recesses of your mind lie the seeds of rampant unfulfilled aggression,
waiting to manifest itself in acts of r*pe or worse.
Or is this a paradox within your own consciousness?
A self awareness that you could not cause the
slightest harm to any living creature, despite your desires which centre
around bondage and discipline, which society in general is apt to label
perversion. You are aware of a need to express yourself differently in a
sexual context . There is a need to give, to see pleasure reflected in your
loveris eyes, to see ecstatic demand for still more pleasure that you have a
need to create.
Making love is an act of giving, and bondage is another way
of expressing that. It is a gift of freedom, which allows your lover to
express herself in the fullest sense. In the hands of a someone whose only
thoughts are to take all and give nothing, the use of physical restraint can
only be an act of inflicted torture, a desire to cause pain and suffering to
an unwilling victim.
This is the basic truth of all aspects of sexuality. To
attempt to kiss an unwilling female, even to hold her hand, is to express
your will with no thought of hers. Any sexual involvement must follow the
same rule: take all, and you will receive nothing, give all and you will
Can you make this rule govern your sexual approach? Your
desire to have your lover bound and gagged so that she cannot escape you
remains unfulfilled but are these needs a demonstration of insecurity, that
were she not tied up she would not stay with you? Is there that fear that
you have to create or fantasize bondage situations so that you may fully
enjoy a sexual relationship?
The classic scenario of a victim spreadeagled
and bound to a big fourposter bed, naked and unprotected from your lecherous
gaze, and knowing exactly what you intend to do to her; unable to prevent
your wildest excesses on her vulnerable body. But just suppose that is
exactly where she wants to be. Tie me, and Love Me Those words subtly
shift your desire into an expression of her need, and remove those
bondage-guilt feelings instantly.
Your wanting to possess her becomes an
even more powerful need to be possessed by you. She will only accept you as
her Dominator, when she knows that you care for her pleasure more than your
You have something she wants. You give. Your victim has become more
than willing, she has become needy; she offers herself to you to be tied;
and by taking this initiative she controls the situation and loses the
instinctive apprehension of the weak in the dominant presence of the strong.
You take pleasure from her bondage, but in return you give her the total
control of the situation. She has the absolute certainty that she can call
halt if she should so wish, and that you can react instantly.
This is the
key to uninhibited sexual pleasure, no matter what form it might take; the
demonstrable ability to stop. Being tightly bound and utterly helpless can
be exquisitely pleasurable, yet on occasion can cause muscle spasm and
sudden pain in the same way as any other strenuous physical activity.
This can and does happen at any time; could you be at the exact point of orgasm,
and stop dead? Stop literally in mid thrust and withdraw carefully and give
all your attention to untying her and massaging cramped muscles? Could you
laugh about it together afterwards? Consider the question well, because
without an unqualified yes, your enjoyment of bondage will be strictly one
sided, and once only per victim.
Create the Need
So many of our self appointed moralists say that sex must always follow the
path of conventional normality; but what is normal?
If consenting adult
lovers come together in mutual need, then sexual variations can be created
without self recrimination; everything can be enjoyed to the full if it
happens within the framework of common sense and unwritten rules which
define the hazy threshold between sexual nonconformity and actual physical
perversion, strenuous sexgames and real physical suffering. No matter how
mild or outrageous your sexplay is, these rules must be adhered to. They
will be undefined, and will change in subtle ways as a relationship develops
Your lover may want to be tied up at the end of a long playfight,
struggling and squirming against every cord, straining crossed wrists
against each knot and loop of rope; but a subtle change of mood,
imperceptible to all but the most aware, and she will want your bondage to
be a demonstration of care and affection.
She'll want to lie or stand
passively, so that she can be bound with loving gentleness, tied with
creative sensuality, slowly so that she can savour every tightening cord on
her skin, Knots tied with skill and care to hold ropes passed between her
ankles, drawn up between her thighs to create a picture of captivated woman
who has given of herself in the fullest sense.
Every movement of her body is
restrained and under your control. She is tied cleverly so that she feels no
actual pain, yet has the acute sensation of being a focus of both mental and
physical suffering, of wanting her ropes tighter, elbows drawn together
behind her back to thrust her breasts proudly out and against you. She
thrusts her body against yours, ignoring the lines of living fire around her
waist and the ropes that hold her legs together from thigh to ankle. Despite
her restraint, she gives herself willingly into bondage and subjection but
only on condition that you in turn give unstintingly.
Your sexual gift must
be one of controlled passion, never to inflict on her anything that she does
not fully desire.
She wants you to enforce your strength of will, to feel
totally helpless in your arms, but she must never know fear. You can do with
her as you wish, and she knows that, no matter how hard she struggles, she
At this point the most powerful turn on is not more torture
and suffering, but your being aware of why she needs to be held prisoner.
You have her utterly in your power, but the essence of your masculinity is
the skilful use of controlled passion, not more wanton torture and
So many men see bondage as another way to a quick fuck. It isn't.
Bondage, and the need for it, goes infinitely deeper than that, but
relatively few discover those depths and heights of passion in it.
bound and gagged her, she recognizes your physical superiority and has
acquiesced to your male prowess. Only your skill as a dominant lover can
bring her to this point; where she wants to be possessed, wants to be tied
so that resistance is impossible.
She has that unshakeable certainty that
she will not be brutalized or hurt in the slightest way. Although bound and
gagged, she will sense the freedom that you have given her, a freedom to be
possessed by you, because she has chosen you to own her. Contrary to any
visual impression or popular myth, it is the submissive who chooses her
dominant, not the other way around, and only your care and understanding of
her innermost needs will make her choose you.
The submissive knows herself,
and will seek out her dominant partner, but will only reveal her submissive
persona to one she deems worthy of her submission. She will never reveal her
desire to submit if she doesnit trust, or if you act like a mindless moron.
She cannot be made to submit, any attempt to use real force will turn her
into a raging tigress.
Tying, and the art of Making Love
To be tied up as part of making love, is merely to extend the sense of touch
and expand physical sensuality.
There are parts of the body that are more
flexible than others, wrists, ankles, knees, elbows and so on, these are the
points with high concentrations of nerve endings. Any physical restraints
applied to there will create contradictory impulses of pain and pleasure and
arouse any woman who has that innate craving to be bound and helpless. In
purely biological terms, the conventional sexual act is one of physical
domination, male over female with all animals, not just human beings. Rough
play and feigned elusiveness is all part of mutual pleasure and desire. Any
normal civilized mind says no to real domination, sexual or otherwise, but
primitive urges actively encourage pleasure games as a sexual stimulant..
Wrestling, biting, chasing ń all may be used within the innocent framework
of a loving relationship between free thinking adults, and it is a short
step from playfighting and token subjection to actual physical restraint.
Every part of the body can and does react in different ways to various
A touch that will make one woman recoil in horror will make
another explode with pleasure. One may love the sensation of being gagged,
while another may hate it. The touch of cold chain may be exciting or a
complete turn off in bondage games, as can rubber, leather ropes or
Know your lover, and be constantly aware of her every reaction as
you snap a pair of handcuffs on her wrists, then draw her legs up so that her
wrists and ankles are chained together. You see the effect of the cold steel
against her skin, her body writhing with pleasure at the mixed up feelings
of love and hatred churning around in her brain, muscles straining against
the unyielding steel that holds her in thrall, fingers stretching and
probing in futile gestures, searching for a freedom that she does not want
She gasps with pleasure as you fit a collar around her pretty neck,
then chain it to her wrist cuffs. She becomes a total prisoner to be used
and possessed at will. Aware of no actual pain, she suffers all the torments
of the prisoner in bondage, yet it is a suffering drawn from within herself.
Torments of passion and desire, inextricably linked with those of pleasure
The lightest touch, the softest caress will bring her suffering
to a peak, make her beg for bondage and freedom in the same breath. She
wants to be chained there hand and foot, but at the same time needs freedom
to love, to open her legs and take you deep within her body. The gag between
her teeth prevents her from taking you into her mouth as she wants to do.
She has become a prisoner of your creation, bound by you and to you. Through
care and love and understanding of her needs you have shown her that bondage
is exquisitely beautiful and that you care for her emotional and physical
wellbeing. Youive raised her entire response threshold to give new levels of
She has nothing left of herself to give. Her surrender is total. You have
shown her something that she needs, even though there might not have been a
previous awareness of it. This is the gift that is yours to give, if you
take time to understand what she wants, and to learn how to respond to it.
Can you switch Roles? Bondage games can form the basis of a happy loving
relationship, usually with variations on the master and slave theme. But be
aware that if your lover is turned on by bondage, she might want to play
mistress and slave as well! So unless you love her and trust her enough to
play it both ways, donit even bother to try.
Sure---youire stronger than she is, but don't make it obvious all the time.
She knows you can pin her down and tie her any time you like, but a really
strong man is one who doesn't have to prove it all the time.
If she wants to
fight, be aware of the subtleties of her needs, relax a little so she wins;
and when she holds your wrists down and reaches for the length of rope
youive just used on her, relax into it and begin to know some of the
pleasure she gets when you tie and gag her. You'll be surprised just how
delightful it can be. With your teaching, she too can become an expert in
the art of sexual stimulation through physical restraint.. You can become
the object of her desire Bondage in a sexual context is just the expression
of the desire to possess your lover physically, with chains, ropes, gags and
It is a way of telling your lover that she belongs, that you want
to possess her in totally in a loving context. Said with overtones of real
threat or aggression, such thoughts create only horror and revulsion in the
mind of the victim.
She will become driven to take you, tie you in such as
way that she can use your body to satisfy her every whim in whatever way she
pleases. Wrists lashed together behind your back, her sex-soaked knickers
stuffed into your mouth and tied in place with a nylon stocking, all serve
to make you into her helpless plaything. You can do absolutely nothing to
resist as she reverses the time honoured roles. You are hers to use, to
pleasure her. Could your male ego stand it? Such a reversal of roles is
exciting and stimulating, but it takes a special breed of man to accept that
it is just as normal for a woman to 'take' her man, as it is for the man to
possess his woman.
Spreadeagled on a big brass bed, she stimulates you
remorselessly, biting, teasing, using her mouth to drive you insane. You're
tied down, hands and feet stretched tight to each corner of the bed; you can
do nothing, while she can do everything and anything she wishes. She sits
astride you, guides you into her waiting moistness while you are forced to
remain passive while she has all the action. This when you have to forget
yourself and your own pleasures and give totally to her; concentrate on her
mounting spasm as she clasps you tight with her knees, digs her fingernails
into your chest as her excitement lifts higher and higher. Keep hard within
her, make her ride you, twist and squirm to extract every moment of pleasure
from your helpless body. By concentrating totally on her, and forgetting
yourself you can keep her there wet, needing, using your body, constantly
coming back for more of the same. When she finds she can have orgasm after
orgasm on you, she will become truly insatiable, your sexual animal,
constantly in need of the wildest sex. Bound as you are, you will still own
her, because she can only find what she wants with you.
Why Vary the Theme?
We use sexual contact for only two reasons.
The first is of course procreation of the species, the second is for
pleasure, using the most subtle and finely tuned senses that we have. We
unconsciously link this seeking of pleasure with other external stimuli that
may have been generated within us during the innocence of childhood, where
behaviour patterns or the smell or touch of things long forgotten re-awaken
to affect our sexual relationships and inclinations.
attitudes of selfishness prevent sexual fulfillment, the self interest that
can turn a potentially beautiful relationship into little more than a quick
fuck, whether involving anything kinky or not. The human spirit in true
partnership with another contains the inherent need to give and take, to
strive for needs and to luxuriate in gifts bestowed. So it is with sexual
adventures. Constant creativity is vital if ongoing interest is to be
maintained., tender domination opens the doors to endless delight in loving,
the removal of free will and the unconditional gift of control to another
shows trust in the absolute sense. The compulsion of one who desires to be
compelled is an infallible guarantee of explosive passion.
Sexy, sexy man...