Welcome to the shevette show!
So far i've gotten a lot of responses. So many that i can't post all of them, so i'm trying to stay with the people who have been on the show - people you know!
|S & M
Real - Life
|Biff has a few (yeah right) things to say. Here's one of his letters...|
I'm gonna take a stab (CAUTION: LOW PUN) at this scene creation thingie, but let me say this up front -- there is no right or wrong here -- there's only what works for both of you.
This is my considered counsel -- from having been in one S&M scene, and a relatively mild one at that.
OK, down to brass tacks (CAUTION: LOW PUN).
[FROM MY LETTER]***Rob and i are planning to do some real S&M and niether of us are too sure how to do it. i mean, we are not sure how to set the mood.***
Have you thought about a specific scenario -- roleplaying (one that's been percolating
in my coffee pot is Moral Majoritarian and unrepentant perv -- "We'll beat the
masochism out of you!"
And don't be afraid to use humor. More shit gets ruined because of the deathly serious and totally unnecessary (IMO) atmosphere some folks insist on.
Ferinstance -- I had meant to tell Hx "I'm all yours" -- 'stead I said
"You're all mine."
Do NOT enter this with trepidation, but a sense of adventure and anticipation.
Yes, there's that and my desire to see if i really want to be a slave.
|***He's going to literally whip my tail and while we both know
there is a way to do this positively we aren't too sure how to get from here to there.
i made a whip and while it doesn't look too sharp it seems sturdy and experiments have shown it to be able to dish out tons of pain without being overly damaging to my skin. i will need some lotion afterwards, i'm sure though.***
Best advice I can give ya is educate yourself. Go to Jay Wiseman's site and find out all ya can on this. Your body is your temple (Hmmm ... someone was telling me this recently ...?).
Yep, that was me, worried when it was your turn.
Gonna say this now, and take it as you will. I'd be leary of going with the whip right now. From what I know, they are not easy to handle, and I think there may be not be a large margin for error in their use by beginners.
Oh, it's ok. i made it myself out of rope. It's hurts enough, but Rob would have to get way way wild to even leave a welt. i guess it's not really a whip, but for lack of a better name that's what i call it.
A paddle, crop, or light flogger may be a better bet initially. Actually, that really
marvelous implement attached to your wrist can be a great fantasy complement.
A paddle? Why didn't i think of that. i think i have one at my place.
Go easy with any of 'em, 'til ya know what works AND what's safe (these are inextricable, shug -- always).
|***Let me describe how i think it should go and if you will
nudge me in the right direction, ok?***
Always bears repeating, hon -- there is no right or wrong -- only what works for you two. After you've dealt with the safety end of it (and even then accidents DO happen), let your imaginations soar.
***If you want, it will be warmly accepted if one of you wants to turn us in a whole new direction. We (me, myself, and i) are lost.***
***i guess this is something like making love and getting a slap on the bottom at the momment of climax. First the wanting need is created, built, expanded, and teased. Somewhere in there a whip is produced, and used.***
Sounds groovy to me. Can I be next?
***Supose Rob does something like tying me up and putting me in the closet for a short while. That usually gets my motor running. He comes and gets me, i'm blindfolded, shackled, and led to another room. The forced march thing kinda works for me during a 'rough' session. i guess he drapes me over a chair or something with my tail exposed. Hopefully i'll get some carresses***
|Before, during and especially after. During's important, as the yin and yang of
pleasure/pain and good ol' warm fuzzies is a transplendent turnon; but also the carresses
are a wonderfully reassuring gesture.
***- then as a surprise i get a lick across the tail with the whip, right?***
Sounds great, but please drop the "right". I know I sound like a onetrick
pony here, but your "right" can be another's "Yeesh!", and vice versa.
Diff'ent strokes, literally.
***In a way this seems just like bondage, but the element of getting whipped, even if it's not for really real, kinda adds a flavor that i'm not sure is going to be good.***
"Really real"? You're being struck with a whip, or other toy. Sounds real enough to me.
There's this sense that "light" pain play is somehow "not really S&M."
Hmmm ... Someone inflicted pain on you to give both of you pleasure.
Nah ... no S&M there.
***S&M seems just so high-powered.***
Yeah, but it ain't measured by swing velocity.
***Part of me is wanting to go ahead and see what the fuss is about - if it works, and part of me is cringing with preconcieved notions and concern about how Rob is going to look at me when it's over.***
That's what communication's all about, precious. If Rob's having some doubts about how he'll feel afterwards, this needs to be addressed pronto. If he has any qualms about it that can't be allayed, back off. Give him space. Try to find an alternative that he's comfortable with, and that might nudge him to this level, if that's indeed where you wanna go.
And be prepared to acknowledge it may take a while, or never be realized. Such is the
kinked life (The Great Sage of 51 Days Speaks
***We'll talk about it one time and he is able to reassure me that we aren't going to go too far, then the next time we talk we are both on the verge of calling it off. Still it nags at me, and at him too. We want to know what it's like. Maybe we are over-thinking this, huh? Over dramatizing? Overly concerned for sure - of course it's my tail that's on the line... and our relationship!***
If you two are this uncertain, then I implore you -- DO NOT attempt this until you've educated yourself thoroughly, and talked it over until you're blue in the mouth.
You seem all hellbent for leather (CAUTION: LOW PUN) to get this done, but what's the goddamn rush, sweets? Ya got all this stuff you love to do, and you're determined to engage in something that you think might place your relationship at risk?
No deadlines here -- you hate 'em in other contexts, right? Keep that squick in mind with this too.
***One thing that i don't want to see happen is a scene
where he does a "so you slutty bitch, you want this rod - don'tcha'? Well take this
Well then, make that clear in your negotiation (course, some folks LIKE that sorta
***Does he say something like: "Try some pain and see if it feels good." i think that's kinda in the right direction, but it sounds lame.***
***There's a piece to the puzzle missing. Any idea of what it is?***
Well, it sounds like you've got this idea, and it's hot for ya, but you really haven't thought it through -- ya want the one shot; a series; one, then other play, then another ... ?
Plan it out, and talk about it. And don't feel you've gotta stick to the script. Flexibility on the fly's a great skill to have for life in general, but especially in this context.
|***Please see the first page of this that i have put up at http://www.lovetied.com/shevette/www.lovetied.com/shevette/whip1.htm
and let me know what you think.***
Just scanned it. You're gonna get a lot of
replies -- some very thoughtful and full of sound advice (like mine
i don't get mail like that. As long as i've had a site up i hardly ever (if ever) get rude messages.
Loved the pics. Can I put some of 'em up on my site ('specially that one at the bottom
-- it melts my heart
Awww... of course. All the pics i make are for everyone to use - as long as it's not for commercial purposes. The more i share with other the more others share with me.
***One thing that i am sure of is that this has put a ton of images in my head that i need to draw. It's tre'sexy in a big way... and mondo confusing... giggle***
Never hurts to have visuals when you're working on a project.
Can't wait 'til they perfect VR.
Who needs Virtual Reality as long as we still have our mind's eye... giggle
***ps: i do plan to use your responses on the show, so if there's a part of your reply that you don't want to be seen please point it out to me. Thanks again.***
Ya know me, shug -- open book.
PS -- I'm gonna run this past Hx. She's got a better handle on this than I.
great posting between you and your friend and i think you gave her sound advice.
the things i would add: would be that in a first scene you should keep in simple. one toy, or one scenario, or one new thing. people tend to try and do too much (don't i know that one!!!) and sometimes it gets overwhelming.
in our case, i think it was a little different, in that we were in a public scene and also we had negotiated the fact that you wanted a small taste of a lot of things.
in her case, since she is already with an existing lover and they have some history, it would be too easy to get bogged down with trying too many different scenarios... the psychological domination, the physical s&m play and probably the addition of some sexual touching and all. too easy to get carried away.
important things about planning a scene; get everything ready at the beginning, toys or implements, lighting, music, aftercare items etc. and yes, the negotiation needs to be done totally beforehand, not the moment before-- that would be too loaded, but some time prior to the actual scene.
there are contracts and guidelines in books like "screw the roses, give me the thorns" and jay wiseman's "sm101". they should each know what is OK and not OK to do. even things like if one likes humiliation play and one does not. and how hard is too hard to spank.
good advice on the whips... very hard to control, and one needs to know where to strike--no kidneys, etc. and be careful about breaking skin and wrapping (which is why i don't do floggers so well yet--need a lesson).
maybe keep the scene short, like 15-30 minutes, they should be checking in with each other constantly, maybe he can lean in close to her every so often and sexily whisper.."you doing ok", sort of thing.
anyways, my 2 cents for what it's worth.
Hi Mamdam Hx!
i hope you don't mind me calling you that - the Hx part. i always maim the names unless the sender says not to.
Thanks for the good advice - from the both of you. As you can imagine i really want this to go off well. i want to please Rob, find out what S&M really is, and maybe find out some more about the slave side of myself.
This slave thing is something that has been hanging on for years and years. Hopefully by letting it out fully i can come to grips with it. i have been a 24/7 slave a few times, but it never worked out and i never really got into S&M. Lots and lots of bondage, some spankings, but not what i'd call S&M
Thanks again Madam Hx, and please thank Biff for me too. You've both been a help and while i'm sure i don't have the total picture yet, i can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
i told you it's high-powered stuff and Biff agrees! Turn the page to see who writes to me next. Are we getting an understanding yet?
Drop me a line. i plan to do this real soon, with Rob. More of my friends give advice on how to make this into something good and full of love...