Welcome to the shevette show!
This came from someone who sounded like he is against S&M so i invited him to be on the show to provide us with a counter point
|S & M
Real - Life
Counter point... maybe...
Subject: SAW YOUR WEB PAGE (Long reply)
I moved this part of the email to the top because I think its the info you are seeking: You are confusing me (you sound experienced in many ways... then like a cmpl novice in others LOL). Anyway I spent some time and thought for you because I think you are sincere... and because you deserve it for your great web page.
TIPS ON STARTING OFF WITH SM:
Start with a hand spanking (and I think its good to take 15-20 min warming up... if you don't its easy to leave bruises... and I think a good warmup is a good way to avoid "needless" pain... as opposed to more erotic pain).
After the warm up... experiment with harder things... use emotion during the spanking (train her to be "yours" for example).
She: find a comfortable position where you can "RELAX" and let your body's reflex's take over in the spanking (it will be more enjoyable, and also allow more feedback to him).
Another thing to watch out for is that some folks like "thud" and others like "sting" (and again my theory is that most folks fall somewhere in bt).
If the "thud" of the hand is too much for you (hurts the ass bones) in a comfortable doggie position, then put a big pillow under you... and fall down on the pillow from the doggie position (this will take the thud away from the ass bones).
If there is no thud problem... I think bent over positions are the best.
If you find you tend to like "sting" more... thud will not be a problem (but do the sting things after a thourough warmup).
With sting things... be careful not to get hit in the back of the puss (you will not like it... need different whips for pussy whipping).
Using things that sting: be careful not to "wrap"... if a belt of thong from a whip wraps around the ass to the sides (hips)... it will hurt like hell and ruin the mood (and unfortunately, its actually hard to avoid wrapping on the ass with a lot of toys).
Try a doubled belt (fairly easy to control).
Thank you Sir Bxx. You've gotten most of the information i needed in a nice compact piece of text. i realize that a lot of people who visit my sites are there strictly for the pics, but i really beg EVERYONE to read the section above. It's a little rough around the edges, but it cuts right to the point.
Thanks again Sir Bxx. This is the kind of thing that i am proud to have on my site! It shows a lot of thought, a lot of experience...
This is a fairly long reply (so read to the bottom because I added comments along the way). I have no interest in being on a show at this time (because VT is not my thing)... and Im teaching a bondage class in a cpl of months so I need to prepare (but if you just want some ideas... or a bondage safety essay for those that want to play RT... I can do that for you).
But for future thoughts... is a darker bondage fantasy acceptable for your site.... where the girl is bound in such a way where she cannot scratch that itch (you know what I mean)... she is kept prisoner for a long time... and trained to be sold as a sex slave... the method of training is that she is tied and teased until she cant take it any more... and finally falls into mental submission against her will (kind of like the POW's in totrure camps falling in love with the torturer).... then is allowed release... but her boyfriend finds her and saves her (boy is he in for a surprise).
I TAKE IT BACK (the paragraph below)... I did see one of the best "safeword" explanations I have seen there. Still there are considerations such as not leaving anyone unattended in bondage, or the dangers of suspension (there is a very long list).
FYI, I didn't notice anything on bondage safety on your site (VERY IMPORTANT). Also, I can give good directions on how to prepare a set of ropes... and what kind of ropes to buy. Basically, all of the above would be done for the class, so I would be happt to fwd the info to you if you want (and feel free to remind me if you dont hear back from me).
Yes, i would love to get any more information that you have. i realize that some people get tired of reading over the same warnings over and over again, but to do bondage and S&M too one needs to keep in mind the safety angle. If they don't someone could get hurt and i'll tell you that if Rob ever got careless around bondage then i wouldn't want him to tie me up any more - not until he got back into the correct state of mind...
>Subject: Re: I SAW YOUR WEB PAGE (and)
>Date: Sun, 05 Ma
>At 02:27 AM 03/06/2000 GMT, you wrote:
>>I'll get back to you later tonight (I can definitly help because I can relate to where you are at... unlike the typical SM'er that starts out wanting SM from the start). I started out as bondage only, but after several years I have learned (done) some SM.
>>If you get this tonight; tell me exactly "what" SM means to you to help me answer your question (IE: is SM whipping using a single tail... or other extremely painful stuff, or are you thinking of spanking/flogging/ nipple clamps etc as SM).
>>I work nights... going to eat befor the restaurants close... what part of country do you live in... and what show?
>S&M= making love and using pain to enhance it
>........It's the shevette show!
S&M means diff things to diff people, so when you say you are "thinking" of doing SM with your boyfriend... I need some more detail before I can give you a meaningful answer. My observation (and theory) is that there is a whole spectrum of players from the bondage only types to SM only types, and most folks are somewhere in the middle. If we are not on the same page, we would be talking apples and oranges to each other. The folks that start off because of interest in bondage (I'll call them DS players) tend to "NOT" be comfortable in environments where there is hard SM going on (such as whipping to blood, needles, and things of that nature). The D&S player finds fulfillment from erotic Domination/submission (emotional turn on), but the hardcore SM'er tends to get their fulfillment from the endorphin rush (like the roller coaster feeling but more intense). So, again I have to ask what is SM to you (FOR EXAMPLE: some consider a mild to medium intensity sensual spanking to be SM, and some don't).
Maybe i'm in denial about S&M. i have had a boyfriend or two spank my tail for a slap or two - well, maybe four slaps - tops. i don't think of that as S&M though - just being playful, getting more of a peak to a climax.
i have had out and out spankings though. This is the slave side of me. i have goofed up with a boyfriend, like meeting him late or something. Something where i did wrong and it caused a resentment from him to me. Something that i just couldn't quit make right. At times like that i am more than willing to submit to a spanking, to show him that i am truely sorry and want to be forgiven. A spanking, to me, is not to be taken as an erotic experience. i should not enjoy getting it, and he should not enjoy giving it. It is a punishment, and when it's over it's done with. i am working with a clean slate, forgiven. That's not S&M either, to me.
S&M is where... well it's like tickeling - except rougher. Pain is given in a large amount to enhance sex.
I looked at your web site, and I think its good work. I spent 20-years in the closet (that I liked bondage... and sex together). I wish I could have found such a gentle intro years ago when I needed it.
Thank you. i went through about the same thing
Everytime (during the 20y) I thought I found something interesting, there would be hurting involved, which was inconceiveable to me and so turned me off to it (at the time). Skip forward to the present and I dont wince at all anymore when someone gets hurt (I've even experienced being the sadist with one particular sub). The reason I'm mentioning this is because I've noticed the "HARD" SM'ers dominate all the local venues for play, so there seems no place for the bondage only people to go. BTW, SM is like a hot pepper of headspace... it is as enjoyable as the sub headspace but completly different (I've been both... started as a sub only... never dreamed I would switch... now its rare for me to sub).
SEE THE BOTTOM OF THIS EMAIL FOR THE INTRO TO MY EMAIL LIST
> >>Subject: Re: I SAW YOUR WEB PAGE (and)
> >>Date: Sun, 05 Mar 2000 15:44:52 -0500
> >> >I am experienced in BDSM (so you know where Im coming from). For the Last few years I have noticed that "hard" SM players dominate the local venues (at least in atlanta), which scares off an unacceptable number of newbee's IMHO. Is this true where you are from? I may start a group for newbee's, and players that are not into SM (or mild SM). I was impressed with your website in this sense (although I just skimmed through it). I assume its OK to list "your" web site, on a website of my own? Also, I'm good with bondage if you want to talk bondage.
> >> >
> >> >bxx
> >>Hi Sir Bxx!
> >>Wouch! This could turn into a long letter, but i have to be brief due to time considerations... i am presently considering trying S&M. i'll probably never get to the point where i beg Rob to build a dugeon, but i would like to see what all the fuss is about. Currently i am in the process of getting my thoughts together and i'd love to hear what yours are. Obviously you are against S&M and that's cool - i know i have just about always been turned off by the idea.
Most cities have dungeons (but expect to see hard players... if you can handle it.. check them out... you can learn a "LOT" by watching and talking with the folks that hang in these dungeons).
I am definitly not against SM as you said above... I feel its the other way around though (IE: the SM'ers will not allow soft players.... at least locally... that want a space for DS without SM... I think a non-smoking analogy fits). So, I'm trying to gater enough folks to have RT bondage meetings.
> >>Here's what i'd like to do: i'd like to have you on the show www.lovetied.com/shevette i'd like for you to look at this page www.lovetied.com/shevette/whip1.html read the letter below and send in your reply
FYI::: I could not get to the site above: "whip1.html"... (but I looked the site over)...
> >>What you send in will be used on the show. If you don't like S&M then feel free to say so - as long as you can do it without hurting anyone's feelings. You can do that. i want to promote bondage any way that i can (almost anyway that i can) and S&M is a part of it. Maybe not my ideal, but we'll see. i'd whole lot rather try S&M than not be open to new ideas. If i like it then i will say so, if i don't then i'm not going to put down people who do - maybe that way the people who don't like bondage won't put it down.
I agree on the part "not to put down" the SM'ers (but I just got done with a big email list argument and got the impression that there are a lot of difficult people out there). My plan is to go for what I want... with out comparing it to regular mainstream SM'ers. And what I want is a place for the lite SM play... and bondage folks to go (i think we want the same thing).
> >>Ok, go to the site, Sir, please. Look at the page i
mentioned, read the rest of this letter and kindly reply. What you send in could be used
on a page like www.lovetied.com/shevette/whip2.htm
> >>This is a letter from me, shevette, that i am sending to as many friends..... [LETTER CLIPPED FOR BREVITY]
------MOVED MY COMMENTS TO TOP OF EMAIL
Learning BDSM was an awakening for me. Since learning BDSM, I have found that making love can be giving a masage.... or bondage and SM with no sex... or just having sex. If I tie a girl up and spank her (with no sexual touching), I feel like I have done lovemaking afterwards.
Yeah, you are over dramatizing it... Before play you both should spend at least an hour of two going over a BDSM checklist (I like the one in screw the roses, send me the thorns). Even if you have been partners for a long time.... the check list will surprise you with things you didn't know.
Before you play.... he definitly needs to know you dont want to be called names (some do, some dont).
The reason I am seeking out beginners is because I know there are lots of folks out there needing a gentle intro into SM. From what Im reading here, I think you understand what I mean (and your website is wonderful to gently teach people there is more to it than hurting someone).
> >>ps: i do plan to use your responses on the show, so
if there's a part of your reply that you don't want to be seen please point it out to me.
> >>pss; feel free to point to my addy.
Feel free to use any part of my email you wish
BELOW IS THE "INTRO" TO MY EMAIL LIST i STARTED LAST WEEK
(it looks like we are on the same wavelength).
I just made it up last week
(any suggestions to it would be great).
DS-PLAY: Sensual domination, submission, bondage, roleplay and
soft S&M play
(such as non-painful spanking, flogging, etc).
As of Feb/00, DS-PLAY is a "forming" BDSM group, without the hard S&M that dominates many BDSM venues. This list was started as an attempt to see if there is enough interest to start having weekly or monthly gatherings (for the softer flavor BDSM players).
The soft sensual type of player [esp. newcomers], are not comfortable playing in a hardcore S&M environment. So, we offer a softer less serious BDSM play and learning venue expressly geared to be non-intimidating for beginners (more specifically newcomers that are oriented towards D&S rather than S&M), analogous to a non-smoking area.
For S&M oriented newcomers, you will learn of local venues of interest to you, as well as get an introduction to the dungeon protocols (so you will be more comfortable in a real BDSM dungeon).
BDSM players of any level are encouraged to attend, to help newbee's learn by association, as long as hard S&M is not percievable by the softer oriented D&S folks. As a benefit to newcomers, real BDSM lifestylers will be "invited" to our gathering, to provide a better representation of the local BDSM scene (and to help in presentations).
We are based in Atlanta, but folks from anywhere are encouraged to join for your input on this issue. As this group is forming, it is not known if DS-PLAY without hard S&M venues are already established in other parts of the country. If there are already established groups out there, we could use direction here, or conversely, we could become the model.
Why do i wish i suddenly live near Alanta? i like this guy...
Drop me a line. i plan to do this real soon, with Rob. i need more people give advice on how to make this into something good and full of love...